I woke this morning very disorientated and upset, I was relieved to be awake, once I realised I had just been having a nightmare – and it wasn’t reality!

Its thrown me all day, brought on emotions and thoughts I don’t have very often to be honest. I tend to keep an open, opportunistic approach to life…but today I feel very very weird.

My life is a maze all of a sudden and I feel lost, I wonder if these are thoughts and emotions that play in the background of my mind, and if this dream has brought my fears to the surface. We all have days where we feel down, and against the world I know, and I do believe they are good for you – especially if you can gain something from it all and then shake it off.

Lately I have been getting a lot of pressure from family, friends and co-workers to be in a relationship. I have had friends, and in particular male friends tell me I am so understanding and easy to talk to, why don’t I have a man in my life? My mother asked me the other night why do I have all these male friends and ones I have known for years yet I don’t have a boyfriend? I have girlfriends who ask do I have a current love interest and pull a puzzled face when the answer is a firm no, nothing even close. I wonder if its other peoples expectations of my life that has given this ‘idea’ to them that I must have a man and must be in a relationship?

Do you want to now my answer to them all?

I don’t want to be in a relationship because I am lonely, sad, horny, or bored. I want to be in a relationship because the other person is awesome! To me anything less makes no sense. I’d like to think Ive learned a thing or two about men and relationships, and quite honestly some men have their head screwed on…they just don’t realise it or let you know! Analyzing how this ‘potential’ in front of you fits in your life. If I don’t see someone in front of me as more than today, I'm not interested, not even in a pash…as nice as sucking face can be and the amazing chemical rush one gets from such a little act, I want more then that – I’d rather have a secret little fantasy then use anyone as a fling of any kind.

I feel caught in the middle of whats in front of me, what everyone else expects of me and what I really want in my future lately.

Not in regards to relationships and men, I never worry much about that stuff. More everyone around me is thinking that, when I'm busy thinking about living, where I really want to be, how to run my life how I envision it and so on. I'm reasonably good at attaining what I want in life, but its not so easy if I feel lost without a clear direction…I think that’s me at this point in time. There are so many options, I just feel like grabbing a bottle of wine and forgetting it all…then I remember that wont actually help anything, it just tastes good and makes me forget a little, but only for a teansy bit, not actually helpful, just yummy and fun….which I have no troubles with, just stupid reality doesn’t seem to go away on something’s and I feel this is one of them. So I ask myself…what am I going to take away from this day, these feelings and what is going on around me? Was last night just a nightmare or a lesson?

I actually am in the middle of making some potentially big life changing plans, maybe I really am bringing things to the surface? I do feel like a glass of wine wont hurt me to help figure things out tonight at least…or a nice big workout, both such different things, yet give me similar mental results, funny that…maybe I need to see the good in that contrast and go from there….

Dating…have you tried this crazy practice?!

Not everyone goes through this experience, some know who and want they want in life, or vibrate the right frequency to the universe to get their dream gal/lad without the shenanigans, trials and tip toeing on the verge of mental collapse.

Dating makes you re-examine the person you thought you were and all the people around you. You have all these crazy, totally crazy thoughts roll through your mind. The brain waves of a person on a date are off the charts in the mad-zone (I think). If you’ve been on more than one failed date, if you’ve come from any kind of relationship that didn’t work out, serious, short, crazy, depressing, intense. If you want a lot from life and haven’t got it yet, if you’re just plain seeking anything that you haven’t yet got your hands on. I believe your thoughts have examined things you don’t need to; this is when you start to think from your ego, from the outside, not from your soul, not from your place of truth. When you start this way…do you ever examine the sanity and reality of what’s being thought?

  Being a single adult is a serious nutbar talent… 

Being a single adult brings out your ego, it brings out your self-doubt, crazy, and insecure thoughts. You start to judge and examine people in ways you previously never imagined. You look at a persons name, a persons finger nails, a persons anything you wouldn’t normally even notice until 3 years into a relationship, and you pull it apart, all of it! Serious nutbar territory.

There’s no manual, there’s no ‘normal’ breakup, date, relationship, anything in that context, yet somehow we all have this ‘vision’ of what it should and shouldn’t be. It’s like shopping in a cheap store and you keep adding to your cart just because you can and because you think you can afford it. But what if our brain is like a payment free credit card, you spend when you can’t see it, it’s easy, you collect thoughts naturally, catching them as they happen, and they disappear out of sight. But what if these things catch up to you, but you never even knew it…you didn’t know you were collecting crazy insecure random thoughts and you started actually adding them to your life, to your perspective, to your personality ARGHHH!

You start facebook stalking, network digging, personal history researching chaos. You start examining things you never would normally, you wonder what words mean, what a text means, why it wasn’t a phone call. You wonder what that smile means, or who the hell that girl is on his profile….you start being against the world, against other people, against the natural grain in life. You stop listening to your intuition, your natural ability to tell what a person is really like and if they would actually suit you and if you truly want to hang out again!! This is exhausting to read right? Well we all actually do this to themselves at least once….Your brain needs servicing too, your thoughts need serious monitoring, you need time to process and even time to analyze if what’s really happening, should be, if you need to move on, change, or behave differently.

Our lives can be so busy, that we’re too busy for ourselves. This is not a great recipe. Some chose meditation, some chose a walk, some chose the gym…if you’re being constructive, are you using these times in your life to get level with yourself? Do you have a friend, or if you’re lucky enough, multiple friends to confide in? What about an amazing chat with a stranger…sometimes I think that theory works the best, once you say it out allowed it all makes sense. Keeping things in, bottling it up, bottling up your soul is no good for you or anyone around you. 

Sometimes you do so many responsible and serious things in your life, you get to a point where you question how boring you are and do you need more zazz in your life? You look outside you for things and people to make you happy…not stopping to think happiness isn’t a thing, happiness isn’t actually a real any thing, it’s a state of mind…along with all these other things you think…

How to keep sane in an insane world? Learn what centers you, what creates calm in your life. Gather some great friends and hold onto them, tight. Talk, and talk by any means that works for you. In person, over drinks, over dinner, at the beach, by text, email, facebook, whatever works.

The space between us (our relationships) is what makes us human, what makes life worth living, what gives us fight, what gives us love, what gives us passion…breathe life into your relationships, really be there with those around you, speak what’s happening in your life, your trials, successes and defeats. Be open to the crazy thoughts you can share and what words and truths are given back. Love the hell out of the fact that these people want to be in your life, that they want to hear your madness, they want to share and help and be there for you and your journey. When you start to work on these beautiful spaces in your life, the rest makes sense, you don’t have so many off-the-wall crazy thoughts, you wont examine from the ego perspective. You will feel the calm you have been craving, while squeezing close to you the relationships that make your life worthwhile.

I Dare You….

I dare you to relax into yourself and give it a go. Trust those around you with your craziest inner most thoughts, share and in return listen and be there for the people in your life…wonderful things will start to happen…just you watch….dating, relationships, your life will relax, run smoother, you’ll fall in love with everything, but don’t settle, keep up the grooming, keep the interaction, keep the flow between you and those in your life, never give it up.

Remember the space between us is what makes life worth living.

Dear body

Thank you for sticking by me, we’ve had some serious ups and downs, but you’re always there for me. I know when I was younger I had no idea how to look after you and treat you with respect. But when you put your foot down and we ended up in hospital, you showed me what I really need to do and how to live better, I am eternally grateful. I love that I had to learn to listen to you, pay attention to what you are saying and provide the right ingredients for us to thrive. I love the feedback you gave when we fell pregnant and all the amazing things you did – seriously, making a baby from scratch – we are a great team, she turned out beautiful, thank you body. I never in my wildest dreams imagined we could make a baby, and retain the body I have always had. You are beyond amazing, your resilience, your hard work, your health, in that moment you really showed me that we have what it takes to do everything we want and always achieve the results we desire.

I look forward to the wisdom you will share with me in the future. I hope we stay grounded together forever, till death do us part

xxxo

Hayley

So its that time of year again, time to be thankful, grateful, happy and what not of the year that has come to pass….and begin the thoughts, specifically HOW you want to live this new year that is about to be with us….A lot of people opt for the big new years eve, party, drink, be merry, dance and party some more, usually with friends, new and old. Somewhere will think, write or last minute, drunkenly, adding a list of few things they wish to happen for them or things they wish to sweep out and change from their life.

New Years Resolutions – sounds simple, but does anyone really give this some real thought, or find a way to stick to it?!

I was busy reading a fantastic article yesterday, how you spend your new years eve is how you spend your year….it got me thinking and I do agree, it may be quite the truth. Doesnt put much pressure on to have an AMAZING new years eve does it?!!!!!

Thinking back to my last new years eve, it was all last minute plans, I was talked into going out, felt uncomfortable and surrounded by, what were nice people and those that I knew, but didnt know well. I was at a point in my life where I wanted to hide rather than throw myself onto the dance floor area with these drunkn people…I ended up leaving well before midnight – after much protest from my dearest girlfriend who wanted to give me her best, bless her sweet heart, she was my angel for that time in my life…when the clock struck midnight, I was driving home, full tears in flow, thinking to myself I WILL NEVER FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN! I vowed to change my life for the better, give and get all I could and give my daughter better than I was giving her. It was not an easy time in my life and I needed to pull myself out of it and really focus and give her what I felt was my commitment to having her – the best I could.

Things did change from that night, the things I thought as I drove home while everyone was having a drunkn good party time, I did stick to. And thinking about how my year panned out, it was kind of like my new years eve…rather last minute, somethings I was talked into, but I did spent my year doing things that made me uncomfortable, but in a good way, things I wouldnt normally do. I also spent a great deal of time doing EVERYTHING I could that was giving my daughter the best.

This leads me to this new years eve…if this theory of spending it how your year pans out….hmmm….Does that mean I need to be mid- butt kicking, sweat pouring workout, with my best girlfriends, while my daughter is nicely tucked up in bed, somehow making money, sipping on a long island ice tea, wearing a killer heels and dress, while planning everything else?! Sounds like a mission, but fun…I LIKE!

Happy New Years Domestic Goddesses – may all your resolutions be a slam dunk! xo

Your relationship with yourself is a great place to begin.

We are taught many things growing up, how to count, tie our laces, ‘right and wrong’, how to play nicely with others, how to manage our time and money…but are we ever taught how to have and be in working relationships?

How well do you know yourself? Pretty well I am going to guess, you know your favourite foods, drinks, places to visit, shops to purchase from and most of us know our life goals and desires as well. So, when was the last time you made a commitment to yourself? Setting a goal is one thing, but have you truly dedicated yourself to getting what you want or did you just have a thought or write down a random scribble and hope that one day it will come true?

Commitment. A big bold juicy word that holds so much promise, hope, and possibility. It can hold clarity of intent and direction for some, while others and sometimes most of us, have a great big gaping fear and almost conditioned negative response to this idea/area in life. So with the great intention of actually getting EXACTLY what you want and not having lines and fears holding you back, how about you start with the easy stuff – yourself.

What was the last goal, promise, commitment you made to yourself? Was it a thought, did you write it down, have you been over this multiple times in your head? Have you actually taken steps in the direction to get this goal, promise, commitment? Intention is one thing, and yes it’s the best first step to take, but after that, to get to where you want to be, you need to plan and action the next step, and all the steps after that too.

We all like a party, we all like to celebrate and have a good time. So why not apply this wonderful concept to your life? You know that good self-achieving feeling we all love so much, this is a step in the direction to getting more of it…

Write yourself some vows. What do you promise to do, be and uphold to yourself, even when you don’t feel like it? What are you devoted to, for yourself?

Create a commitment ceremony. It can be long or short, simple or involved. It can involve fabulous hair and make up, or your best freshly woken face first thing in the morning. Get real, get scared, bring your vows and slam it down.

Will this matter in 5 years? Yes, this could open pathways to your life you never considered before…and you, yes YOU, are taking the steps towards everything you ever wanted, while enjoying your own company along the way AND smashing that commitment fear…

Its time to kick that fear of commitment and give yourself the best you possible.  

After an interesting comment from a friend recently, its made me curious, could there be a connection between a persons relationship desires and if they like cats or dogs?

Me, I’m a cat person, I love how sleek, easy going, friendly, easily pleased they are and how cats leave you alone for most of the day, they are independent. I’m not much for the dogs for the fact that they require a lot of your attention, they eat lots, slobber and require a lot more work, walking etc. And Im pretty sure dogs have a smell and cats, not so much.

Could this mean I have the relationship desire to have a loving dependant but one that likes to do his own thing, while I do mine? Interesting food for thought…

After much research, it appears people have analyzed the differences between cat people and dog people, but not how this could relate to a persons relationship desires.

Hunch.com analyzed data from more than 80+ million users and found some very interesting results …but alas didn’t help me in my quest to find if my friends said comment had any depth.

Today, I feel like I am stuck in a bit of a style rut, mentally, emotionally and physically, and its been this way for the last few months. Its hard to get the motivation to look and feel good while on a single mother's budget (physically and financially). But more recently, I was inspired, I saw some beautiful flower head pieces in some of the shops at the mall. It got me thinking how when I was a little girl I used to love wearing flowers, headbands and clips in my hair. I was never brave enough for a hat or scarf, but I did dream of them too!

When I was 5 years old, I was a flower girl in a wedding. I felt like the prettiest little girl alive. I have kept the flower headpiece, even though its falling apart, it still reminds me of that amazing feeling. Last week when I saw Sportsgirl had some similar flowergirl halo looking headpieces I was transported to a time that felt magical and inspirational and limitless.

So today I have decided to challenge myself. For the next week I want to wear flowers in my hair, dress in pretty clothes and get those magical feelings back. Growing up gives you so many things, but sometimes it means you loose the magic. So Im going to challenge myself to get it back – I want the magic, so Im going after it.

….do you want to join me? xx

I came across this survey conducted by Glamour Magazine. They polled over 16,000 women and came up with some eye opening information.

75% of women surveyed said professional achievements make them feel better about their body.

96% of women said exercise makes them like their body more.

85% of women said having sex makes them feel good about their shape.

95% of women said getting compliments from other women helps them like their shape.

97% of women said eating healthy boosts their body image.

How are YOU doing in these departments?

Are you feeling good about your body image?

Are you comfortable having sex?

Do you feed yourself healthy, nutritious foods?

Are you bursting with self confidence and know how to ask for what you need?

In order to feel your best, you need to commit to yourself, commit to being the most confident, radiant, magnetic, brilliant, mojo-licious woman that both you and I know you are.

In any part of a woman's life, its important to feel and know you are being and doing your best. Motherhood, I have found to be a big trigger, its shown me I am here to set a good example and teach my daughter how to live, so I better do it properly! I often think about how badly I used to treat my body, my temple, before pregnancy. I am grateful to come to this realisation and grateful I can help show my daughter self confidence as she grows and becomes a beautiful young woman.

Wearing a sexy outfit does not mean you are expecting anything from anyone. You are sexy, confident, in control and enjoying life. You, my friend, may have come to a point where you are ready to own your power, your body, your pleasure and your direction. If you want it, you feel its right, rock it and dont hold back.

What you see emerging now, is a new era of women with power.

These truly empowered women are alive in their purpose and embodied in their experience, their femininity is a reflection of their power, not a detraction from it, as the previous masculine, gender-neutral thinking has many still believing.

How do you know one of these women?  She looks sexy (think Beyonce, Michelle Obama, Heidi Klum). She feels her feet on the ground and the breath in her belly. She flaunts her curves and the sashay of each step; and her confidence and sexuality make her dress size irrelevant. She smiles brightly and doesn’t apologize for her fullness, for she sources her vitality, her creativity, and her vavoom from her sexuality.

She is a woman: passionate, emotionally insightful, in-tune with larger currents, caring, rooted, sexual, powerful.

Who she is in the world and how she expresses her sensual, sexual self are not separate. They are intertwined and interdependent. She is powerful because she has fully embraced the wild power of her sexuality, not in spite of it.

My invitation to you is that you do the same. You name your edge and meet it.  Dress how you want, do what you want, you are called to let the Goddess live through you, too. You will start to feel it when you wake, you will hear the calls of your purpose, demand it, expect it and you will have it. Memories are in the past, your mind lives in the future, but your body lives in the now, embrace it.