Lately, I have struck a few hurdles in my life, ok, they have been happening since forever, but at the moment they have really brought a lot to my attention and for the first time in my life, I actually feel I am learning how to deal with things and come out the other side better than when I went in.
I used to bottle things up, I would never cry, get angry, or deal with any of my negative events or emotions. Which as we all find out every now and then, this isnt a good idea. In the last 2 years, I have given myself some time to get through my issues, and really deal with what I have previously chosen to place as a block in my life.
We really do choose to place things in our lives and stop ourselves from progressing forward. Life is a mental game, everything is exactly as you choose to see it, your reality is based entirely in your mind. In short, you are in your own way!
Yesterday I had to make a purchase, it was daunting and painful. Not because of money or commitment, but because I havent wanted to even think about it, I was busy thinking about what I had lost. I kept reliving my pain and fearful thoughts that go with attachment. Then it hit me, I want what is on the other side of this purchase. I dont want to think like this, I dont want to hold myself back anymore, I want what is on the other side more than anything, and the only way to get there, is to go through the fear, pain and emotions. I dont want to be in my own way anymore. I am building myself to make better choices, deal with whats in front of me and really feel what life has given me to feel. Emotions are designed to enhance our lives, not to be something we live in reaction to.
So I did it, I decided I wanted what was on the other side. I wanted it more than my fear of dealing with my loss, more than my fear of feeling negative emotions. Last night I felt a new sense of self, I felt free, I felt relaxed and accomplished, I felt like things are right in my life, I can make choices, I am in control.
